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Height: 5′ 3″. Weight: 260 lbs. BMI: 46.1.
Speaks Pig Latin and Elvish. Raised by dingoes. Omnivorous. Nocturnal.
Favorite book: Winnie-the-Pooh. Favorite movie: Cold Turkey. Favorite song: Yellow Submarine.
Only hobby is people-watching at the zoo.

Further information available upon request – if request accompanied by one million dollars in non-sequential, unmarked Canadian currency. Acceptable denominations: threes and sixes.
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